literature

Virus

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sixlessthansixty's avatar
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Literature Text

It began with a cough.
       Just a simple cough, surely the result of some pathenogenic pest
  Aggravating my lungs
           Just for the hell of it. People make great hosts, you know.

The coughing quickly became hacking
       Gasping for air and gagging from the ferocity of the bacterial assault
   On my weakening body.
            No doubt these microbes were resistant to medication.

I started seeing things.
       A tall, faceless man in a black suit watching me from the edge of the trees.
  Watching me without eyes.
           Surely it was a side effect of the infection.

The hallucinations never stopped.
      Medications weren`t working. Doctors shrugged it off and simply said
   It must be a virus.
          Then he started following me everywhere.

It only got worse thereafter.
      Fevers and blackouts became my norm. A frightening reality. The hacking
  Coughing got worse, too.
           Bed rest was impossible with him outside.

He was waiting.
      The doctors didn`t help, couldn`t help. He was everywhere. And only I,
   Only I knew he was there.
           Was it really only a virus?

Could it be a virus
      Causing my cough, hallucinations, paranoia… He is watching me.
  Outside right now.
         Someone please he


everythIngisallrigHtnow.
      noneedtoworryAboutme.wasjustaVirus.goingonalittlEtrip.
  don`tknowwHEniwillReturn.
        
I don`t know if I could call this prose since it`s structured in stanzas and not paragraphs.

What do you get when you cross a virus + Slenderman? This, apparently.

Critique Questions:
-Does the structure contribute to the overall tone/mood? If yes, why? If not, how can I improve it?
-Is the transition from virus to Slenderman victim smooth? How could it be better?
-Is the ending good? Bad? Blah? Too predictable?
-Was it unnerving/scary? *

*You can answer this even if you know zip about the Slenderman mythos. If you want to know more, look it up here: [link]
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